


Desire

by lola (chaeyoongs)



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Consensual Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied Straight Sex, Loss of Virginity, Lots of spit, Masturbation, More tags to be added, Multi, Nipple Play, Painful Sex, Rough Oral Sex, Sexual Experimentation, Sexual Fantasy, Spit As Lube, Unrequited Lust, Voyeurism, pre-rhaast
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-02-19 03:14:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22137607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaeyoongs/pseuds/lola
Summary: "Arousal. He had never truly thought about the meaning of the word but now that he was just staring and watching the two cadets moving more and more rapidly and wildly [...] he thought that feeling aroused must be a sensation that makes you want to let out those sounds the girl tried to stifle by biting her lips. [...] At least, that was what Shieda felt. It was the way he felt when he woke up after one of his dreams (about his master) and it was the way he felt watching his fellow students having sex."Or, Shieda Kayn learns about sex by accident.
Relationships: Shieda Kayn/Jericho Swain, Shieda Kayn/Original Female Character(s), Shieda Kayn/Zed
Comments: 12
Kudos: 86





	1. I Wanna Feel You

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of people like to think that sexuality was something that would destroy characters like Kayn and Zed. However, as I am an absolutely shameless and self-indulgent author and mildly obsessed with Kayn's entire narcissism and hunger for might, I decided to try and incorporate a sexual exploration into his lore, pre-Rhaast of course to not have that annoying scythe disrupt him in his... activities (jk, I love Rhaast)
> 
> Please read the tags carefully, however, I can assure you: the Kayn/OC scene is not very explicit.
> 
> As this is super long, I split it into two parts where things will continue to take their course.
> 
> For now, enjoy the first part of this shameless Porn WITH PLOT and I'll see you to the second part nwn
> 
> ~chae

Shieda wasn’t like other mortal beings. It was not only his seemingly infinite ambition to keep on striving, further and harder, but also his lack of understanding of things like emotions. Most children, even those who still ended up in the Order of Shadows, are exposed to the love of their parents or at least the love of one of them. They are exposed to love their friends' experience with them and others, feel happiness and jealousy, learn to pinpoint and name them.

Shieda has never experienced either of those things. Friends have been only a burden, something keeping him from becoming better, ever since he had been a child. If he disliked the one he was training with and fighting against, he wouldn’t hold himself back. It was easier to not get attached. Apart from that, Shieda wasn’t even sure how one did get attached. He faintly knew about the concept of relationships and he faintly knew about the concept of sex and what it was there for. Either release of tension or procreation. But to procreate, you needed to have a suitable partner who would agree to put something into this fucked up world and raise it. Bullshit. Too much of a distraction, too much effort. Not Shieda’s cup of tea. As for the release of tension, Shieda had never thought about using sexual practices instead of physical training to get his mind and body off things.

It had never occurred to him, when he woke up with a hard-on, to touch it with an actual, sexual purpose. What was he supposed to think about? Were there scenarios he was supposed to imagine? Was there a way of doing it effectively? Was it something he could do wrong? His desire to exceed and his guttural fear of failure usually left him just staring the stiffness away. 

However, sometimes, he remembered his dreams on rare mornings like those that became more and more frequent as he grew older. He remembered that he had dreamt of rough hands all over him. They didn’t touch him with any purpose, just sliding all over his upper body, circling his nipples - from which Shieda had had no notion of being sensitive until he touched them with squinted eyes after one of his dreams - and trailing dry fingertips down his sides. He remembered squirming and winding because no one had ever touched him like that but his mind made him believe that it must feel so good. The fact that those hands obviously belonged to Zed didn’t disturb Shieda when he first realized.

It should have. That it was his master touching and arousing him in his dreams should have disturbed Shieda. But despite his arrogance and his narcissism, his hubris, he was smart. Smart enough to be aware that his mind would search for whoever came closest to a trusted person to include them in his premature sex dreams - that the other cadets around Shieda even talked about. So he knew that except for the fact that he dreamt of Zed touching him, he was entirely alright. Nothing weird about such dreams.

Just like actually touching himself the same way Zed did in his dreams and maybe gaining more arousal and pleasure from it - He simply didn’t have the time in the mornings and he didn’t quite understand how that would be beneficial to his training - it had also never occurred to him that the feeling of arousal his master’s touches and quiet words created could actually be transferred into his conscious life during the day. Dreams had no meaning and his body was only changing. His mind was. Some things were out of his control, out of his reach. Like those dreams, the way his body reacted to them. He despised not being in control but no matter how much he meditated or trained until his muscles strained and his skin was bloody, those dreams would recur. So he let them be. To his luck, his former roommate whom he had shared his room in the temple of the Order with had died during their search for Khada Jhin. So there was no witness of his uncontrollable bursts at times. No one should see him losing control while he was asleep.

Although Shieda soon gave up on trying to stop his mind from going to such lengths, it truly and undoubtedly had never occurred to him that feeling aroused by his master - What was arousal, to begin with? - in his dreams might be in any way related to how he felt about Zed for real. He was the Master of Shadows, the head of the Order. He had trained and raised him with the other members. If anything, he was more like an idol. An idol Shieda sought to surpass. Only when he surpassed his master he was worthy of becoming the Order’s new leader. He couldn’t possibly seek to release any premature and ridiculous tension with a person who usually treated him like every other acolyte.

Of course, Shieda wasn’t like everyone else and he was aware that he trusted him with being his companion during some missions. A privilege no one else had. No matter how long it would still take Shieda to even come close to his master’s abilities, he was special. He was chosen. The Chosen. Zed’s Chosen. No room for error, no room for prematurity and for letting his thoughts get carried away.

It worked just fine. When Shieda saw Zed’s bare hands, he didn’t automatically think of the way they had touched him in his dream the night before and when he heard him hiss he wasn’t reminded of his softly spoken words that his mind had made up to expose him.

That was until Shieda made a discovery.

Shieda had never seen two people have sex. He simply had never been particularly interested in it. People in the Order - except for a few of his fellow male pupils - also didn’t have the time to engage in or talk about something like that. It wasn’t part of their purpose, their calling in this place. It was training, becoming a loyal and obedient part of Master Zed’s army and order, to punish those who wouldn’t sacrifice their and other people’s lives in order to live in peace, who wouldn’t judge and spare no matter one’s crimes. This was what their lives were about. They lived for the Order and they would die for it.

It was what first came to his mind when he noticed a high-pitched _sound_ coming from one of the hallways he just passed on his way to his quarters. That there might be an attack and that the Order was in danger. He instantly turned around. Someone from the former Kinkou Order must have broken into the temple. Or maybe it was the Golden Demon. Maybe someone was hurt. He had to inspect what was happening and then tell Zed. Or it was his chance to prove to him that he was already worthy, so much more than just one of his acolytes.

The stony hallway was only illuminated by torches hung up every few metres and when Shieda disappeared into the shadows, so did the lights. But his eyes had learned to adjust to the dim sight through the wall. He inched closer to the place from which the sounds came. It indeed sounded like a fight. Panting, sounds coming from two parties, skin slapping against skin. Training had ended a while ago so it obviously wasn’t something that was supposed to be happening. Especially not just anywhere in the hallways. An attack was the only explanation.

However, as Shieda squinted his eyes and turned around the next corner to a nick in the stone wall, he not only realized that the sounds had been way too rhythmic to belong to a fight. What he saw made his eyes widen. He almost lost his composure and slid out of the wall but he could pull himself together just in time to not be caught by the two people pressed against the wall. It was two of the other pupils. Acolytes just like him. He didn’t remember either name but their faces. Her face was scrunched up, pressed against the surface of the wall just like one of her bent legs. The other cadet had his elbow hooked underneath so that it would stay in that position. Her askew robe exposed parts of her upper thighs and her bum. Their hips rhythmically moved, pushed, against the other and they made those sounds Shieda remembered making himself in his dreams.

He felt his heart pound heavily against his ribcage and his lower body felt so uncomfortably tight as he couldn’t avert his eyes from the scene in front of him. The girl was gripping the boy’s hair in a seemingly uncomfortable angle but it only made him push forward faster, drawing a little more high-pitched and pained moan from her.

“Not so deep”, Shieda distinguished the words coming from the girl and the other cadet huffed out a snort.

He whispered something Shieda didn’t understand and the girl whimpered. His mind was blank except for the thought that he should leave. That he shouldn’t be watching. He shouldn’t be seeing two people having _sex_. It wasn’t part of their lives, it wasn’t part of _Shieda’s_ life. He wasn’t like the others, he didn’t need release, didn’t need to procreate. He was above them all. He didn’t need to lose control in a place where everyone could see like these two. Disgusting. He disgusted them for being so weak. And yet he stayed right where he was. He didn’t look away. Despite the anger he felt about their unprofessionalism and the rush of narcissistic adrenaline the thought of being better, above, brought to him he couldn’t find it in him to leave.

Arousal. He had never truly thought about the meaning of the word but now that he was just staring and watching the two cadets moving more and more rapidly and wildly, becoming louder, he thought that feeling aroused must be a sensation that makes you want to let out those sounds the girl tried to stifle by biting her lips. It must be something deep, rising in your lower body to your stomach and your chest, tightening your airways and emitting those sounds from the depths of your being. At least, that was what Shieda felt. It was the way he felt when he woke up after one of his dreams and it was the way he felt watching his fellow students having sex. Seeing their bodies unfold and pulse with pleasure. It aroused Shieda in a way he had never consciously experienced. The arousal left over from his dreams was nothing more than that; leftovers. But what he was feeling now was real and urgent and it made Shieda want to make any sounds because his body felt like it might implode if he doesn’t let go of any of the tension it had built up.

Shieda felt a sense of distrust in regards to his own abilities - which hadn’t happened in a very long time, doubting himself wasn’t something Shieda did a lot - and he didn’t know how much longer he could stay hidden without pressing out any sound or the shadows just discarding him from his hiding place due to his lack of concentration. So he squeezed his eyes shut and turned straight to the direction of his room. He didn’t step out of the walls until he had reached his quarters. Walking had never been this painful, this urgent. His hands twitched with the urge to move them down his body.

He bit his lips the same way the girl had done it and growled to himself as he manifested on the sheets of his bed. The light fabric of the pants felt so heavy all of a sudden and he needed to get rid of it. He needed to free his body, needed to expose it to the cool, dark air of the temple. He needed it so badly because his skin seemed afire and he had never felt such a pulsing need to release the tension within his body. The thought of training or meditating didn’t even occur to him. His mind was filled with the images and sounds of what he had just witnessed.

Shieda had never known how sex worked. But he knew about the anatomy of human bodies. And it wasn’t difficult to figure out what the boy had done. Sexuality was confusing but just like his nipples being tugged had increased his arousal in the mornings after his dreams, touching certain other parts of the body must have the same effect. Considering what body part was aching, he thought that must be it.

Shieda had never touched himself there with any other purpose than getting properly dressed. Now, while staring at his own exposed body, his gaze shifting to the mirror opposing the bed, he knew it would be the first time he would pursue any of the desires he never wanted to feel or give in to. Simply, because it made him pathetic, it made him weak. He remembered the bliss in the boy’s eyes, the sweat on his forehead, and Shieda knew that he had been gone. If Shieda had been an attacker, it would have been so easy to slam both their bodies to the ground. They had been so exposed and maybe that was what aroused Shieda so much. The thought of letting go. Of getting exposed, of being weak and helpless to outer influences. Letting his guard down the same way he had let his covers down when the strain became too urgent and painful.

The image of himself soon became too pitiful when images of his dreams reoccurred to him and he ignored the throbbing sensation of his lower body to instead press his fingertips against his chest. His skin was scarred and it wasn’t as even as the girl’s and he knew what skin felt like but he let his hands mindlessly explore, wander over each inch, every scar. His body felt as though it was flooded by electricity and the touch of his fingertips, his nails, sent spikes of more and more energy through his limbs. He felt his own goosebumps and the way he squeezed his thighs together with his upper body laying down onto the mattress.

His fingers didn’t feel like the ones that had resembled Zed’s, they weren’t as rough, as dry, so he bent his fingers enough so that he traced his master’s steps only with his nails. He added more pressure to his movements. The slight burn made him twitch. He only realized that he had had his mouth agape all along when he finally closed two of his fingers around his nipple and squeezed it. The sensation had made him gasp, louder than before. His face felt hot at the sound and it was such a new, unknown sensation because Shieda didn’t blush, he didn’t get ashamed. Yet, he was ashamed at how weak he was to the desire he felt at that moment. The urge to get rid of the tension. He had always been able to control it but now that he had no other responsibility for the rest of the day, he was subject to it without any chance of escape.

Shieda scratched the surface of his abdomen with one hand while the other kept on pinching his bud. Mindlessly, he searched for the areas that would increase his arousal. He wanted more, he wanted so much of it. The area just above his crotch was where his other hand stayed. He extended his fingers in a fluid motion, dragging them across the skin and witnessing how his erection throbbed once again. Tiny spurts of arousal making it pulse, leak at its tip. Never had he experienced his own body betraying him like that.

If Master Zed were to see him now. Would he be disappointed? Disgusted by Shieda’s exposure, his weakness? Or would he be aroused as well? Would he stare at his pupil and find his pants intriguing, his loss of control, the expression on his face? Would he feel the same arousal Shieda did when he watched the two cadets fuck? Maybe Shieda was sick, disgusting and oh so weak for the newly discovered arousal but he hoped his master would feel that way. He wanted Zed to see him. Watch him. Be aroused by Shieda’s arousal, by his weakness.

He felt shameless. So shameless that not even the thought of Zed doing the same thing to him as the boy to the girl disturbed or surprised him. He hadn’t even noticed how his lower hand had wrapped itself around the tip of his cock just to squeeze it, feel the wetness. He let out a tiny sound and wound his head to bury his face in the sheets. Pathetic. He sensed himself pulsing underneath his hand with every tug of his nipple and every new image of his master’s hands. They were much larger than Shieda’s. Would they cover his entire erection? Would he just hold it? Maybe he would tease the tip, let his fingertips run along the shaft and the veins, _pump_ it. It was a sudden thought, a hunch, that Shieda quickly followed.

He tightened his fingers around his length and mimicked the thrusting motion of the boy with his eyes still squeezed shut. His own hands left his cock feeling so tingly, almost with painful arousal, but he only increased the pace at which he stroked himself. He circled his hips along with his fingers around his bud and panted at the tension in his body. It felt a lot like training, his every muscle tensed up, grunts leaving his lips and mind focused on the task ahead. Nothing else mattered at that very moment.

Shieda forgot why he had never done this, why he had never touched himself when it made his body feel so good. Electrified. Afire. His figure curled and hunched up, wound to the side. His thighs were twitching and toes curling. In a way, he felt so powerful, so above everything any other human being was able to sense, so full of sensations that he _must_ be above. If he had to lose just a little control to feel that power, he was more than willing to give it up again.

His hand continued probing both his nipples only to then move all the way down his abs to the same area that had first made him wet. He squinted his eyes just a tad to catch a glimpse of his stomach tensing and loosening up as he stroked his v-line, followed the trail of muscles. His hand looked good around his member, looked good on his own skin. The view would be even better if it were Zed’s hands. He hadn’t let himself even consider the thought of his master’s actual hands touching him in all those sensitive places but his mind was racing with arousal and desire. Oh, how badly he wanted Zed to touch him. It must feel so much better to be touched by someone else. And Zed was the first person coming to his mind. It was an absurd thought to even consider ever being weak like that in front of his master but maybe he became just as shameless as Shieda when he was touched.

Along with that theory, Shieda figured seeing his master’s arousal could do it for him as well. If Zed ever let fully go? Or if he stayed controlled even when his body did everything in its power to make him lose control, to let his guard down. Seeing him strain, put up a fight against his instincts and desires would have to be a sight to be seen. Shieda wondered if he could touch Zed to a point where he was showing his arousal openly. If he could achieve seeing his master crumble. Not to take him down, just to feel that power connected to controlled pleasure again.

Or maybe Master Zed wouldn’t even let him touch him. Maybe he would keep his hands restricted and would be the only one devouring Shieda and his sane consciousness whole. Shieda would let it happen, he thought. He would give up all the control and watch himself fading away in his rough hands. From all the battles they have fought together, it wasn’t difficult to imagine what sounds Zed would make if he found just as much arousal in making Shieda weak and pathetic for him as he did.

Shieda didn’t know what it was when his stomach tightened in a way it hadn’t before at the mere thought of being utterly and - temporarily - irreversibly exposed by and to his master and his tip leaked all that wetness that he only used to increase the pace with which he stroked himself. He also didn’t know what to do with himself when the tension made his legs numb and forced his eyes shut. A wave of electricity made its way through his limbs, his cock, his head stung with the intensity of it. And while it only lasted a few seconds in which there had been so much more spurts coming from his cock, Shieda felt his body continue to pulse afterwards. His hand was still wrapped around his member. It felt sticky and some of the substance had stained the sheets he was curled up on. When he tried to move it again, he noticed the loss of firmness and it made him furrow his brows with a strange sensation of- oversensitivity. It didn’t feel good anymore. It was uncomfortable. He let off and stared at his dick resting against his thigh, surrounded by all that white stuff.

The fog within his mind lifted and he felt disgusted. Disgusted by the stickiness, by his own body making him feel those things and expecting him to not continue and by his thoughts. So audacious, so pathetic. How could he even _consider_ that Master Zed would touch him with any other purpose than training or hurting him? What an audacious pupil he was.

Shieda usually was never out of breath but when he got up this time to get to the shower rooms, he felt his chest heaving, his bangs damp and his sight blacked out for a split second. Ridiculous. Pathetic, how weak his body had become from this. However, no matter how much Shieda tried to talk about what he just experienced down, he couldn’t deny how powerful he had felt, how _good_ it had felt to let go, to not be in control of anything and yet everything. He had the power to make all his arousal disappear or to keep on feeding it. He had control over his thoughts, his movements and how they made him feel. He could change them if he wanted to, all that to increase the might he felt. He couldn’t deny any of that. Neither could he deny that he wanted it to happen again. No matter the audacity his thoughts held.

Shieda would have liked to go back, to turn around what happened, but he knew he couldn’t.

Therefore, it didn’t surprise him to find himself observing his two fellow acolytes more closely. Their names were Hajime and Iku. That was what he figured out the next day already. He luckily hadn’t had another dream that night so he could fully concentrate on his task ahead - which he didn’t entirely know what it was himself. He thought that feeling aroused for the first time had carved a nick within his mind that he sought to dig deeper and deeper until he’d reach the darkest and most pleasurable depths of those newfound sensations. And Shieda was a determined boy. What he wanted, he would get.

During training, he made sure to keep a close eye on Hajime and Iku. They rarely talked. It confused Shieda in a way because his mind had shown him images of the person he - in a way - felt the closest to to be weak in front of him so shouldn’t there be a certain trust between the two of them? A certain sympathy? Or maybe they didn’t train together for the same reason Shieda didn’t get attached. They didn’t know if they could go all-in against someone they cared about.

Shieda realized how foolish it was of them to let themselves be led by their desires like that, considering that there was a high chance of the Vastayan freedom warriors, the Golden Demon or even the former Kinkou Order to attack them and killer either. Getting attached in a place like that was dangerous. Stupid. Pathetic. In a way, Shieda pitied and looked down on them. Unlike them, he was able to control the things happening to his body and they just gave in in the hallways of the temple like two bitches in heat. He could proudly say that he wasn’t like that. That he wasn’t overtaken by his desires, not even when training ended and Hajime and Iku looked at each other for the first time. Shieda figured that they wouldn’t be sleeping in the same quarters so seeing them leave together could only mean that they wanted to spend time on their own.

Shieda didn’t follow right away. He took his sweet time stretching after the finished training. Others followed suit. Although most people were scared or jealous of Shieda - and the attention he got from Master Zed - they acknowledged that there was a reason for their master’s preference. Shieda was an excellent student after all. Anyone who wasn’t too blinded by their jealousy could see that and even learn from him.

He eventually left without another word, picked himself up from the ground and slid through the shōji only to then dissipate into the wall in an instant. He didn’t want to risk being seen by anyone and he could hear their voices better like that if they were just loud enough. Indeed, he could distinct Hajime’s chuckling and he squinted his eyes as he followed the sounds coming from the cadets.

They were talking about something unimportant until they stopped. Shieda didn’t need their talk any longer to find them so he just silently approached them as the mood in their conversation changed.

“You didn’t spare me a single glance”, Hajime said.

Shieda wasn’t good with emotions and he had a hard time pinpointing what exactly Hajime was trying to convey. It wasn’t important anyway. 

He was just about to catch a glimpse of the two of them when Iku huffed.

“You know why, Hajime”, she replied in a stern voice that wasn’t characteristic for her rather soft features and the way she had let herself be taken so obediently the day before.

He could now see them, opposing the wall Shieda was hidden inside. They were facing each other. Hajime towered over Iku by almost a head but it was clear that it was Iku who was in control of the talk.

Hajime had his arms crossed when he spoke again:” Are you sure you’re not just scared of hurting me?”

At that, Iku rolled her eyes:” If anyone should be scared, it should be you, cadet.”

“Is that so?”, the man added in a more quiet and breathy tone.

He lowered his arms and within the blink of an eye, he had Iku’s wrists in his grip, pinned above her head. Shieda didn’t know if proving one’s power over the other was part of sex but it clearly was for Iku and Hajime. He knew that there would have to be different types of sex, depending on the sexes of the participants and whether they liked being in or giving up on control. Maybe, there were times when Hajime wasn’t in control either, where Iku decided what to do, which pace to go at. This time wasn’t one of them.

Iku stared at Hajime with narrow eyes although Shieda supposed to see something that he had observed in his own iris.

“Not here”, she whispered and nodded into a random direction,” I would prefer not to be caught by Master Zed.”

The mention of Master Zed caught Shieda's attention. He perked up and watched them leave to another hallway, the one Iku had pointed to while Hajime was chuckling something about how mentioning their master was a way to destroy the mood. Shieda realized that, in a way, he had thought that Zed was also attractive to others. That people besides Shieda wanted his attention and maybe even thought about being touched by him. If someone were to mention Zed in Shieda's presence, he thought there was a good chance that it would arouse him.

In a random scenario his mind came up with, he would be taken by someone looking a lot like Zed. He would hold his wrists the same way Hajime had done it with Iku's and push him against the wall, whispering to him that he would want his master to do those things to him, wouldn't he? That he was so desperate to please, so desperate to be acknowledged. If he could even be weak for anyone else? Let anyone else arouse him?

Shieda shook his head as he suppressed a hiss at the way his thoughts wandered without his agreement. He just needed to focus on his fellow acolytes. He would try to gain control over his arousal later on. When it was time.

Hajime and Iku luckily were too distracted by one another to even consider that there might be someone watching them. Iku reached in between Hajime's legs while walking and the man hissed, pushing her further by his grip on her bum.

Unlike the first time Shieda had watched them, they did it on the bed now. Iku fully undressed Hajime along with herself and took his member into his mouth - something Shieda hadn't even considered. In between the spurts of adrenaline and arousal going through his body, he found himself so utterly intrigued by the mere movements of their bodies. It fascinated him how sex worked. How their bodies were connected and how they let themselves fall to a point of seemingly no return. It intrigued Shieda so much that he wanted to do it, too. He wanted to know what it actually felt like. He wanted to feel the heat of another body around his cock and wanted to feel someone else's warmth inside himself, wanted to know about it all.

After he had returned to his quarters and relieved himself, he was silently staring into the dark. It was apparent to him that within this short duration of time he had gained a certain interest in sex that he hadn't felt nor taken into account before. Arousing dreams, sex, desires. They all had seemed like a weakness, like something that just didn't have a spot in his life, something he was ought to live without to gain as much control over himself and his abilities as possible.

However, experiencing it made Shieda realize that it was so much more than just losing control. Sexuality held so much might, so much power that Shieda wanted to explore. And if he could, he wanted to make it his. Because maybe, exploring this could make him stronger. He had seen and observed his body in a way he had never before and he had felt things only winning a battle had been able to bring him. Luckily, to reach those new highs he didn't need a battle. He didn't even need to try particularly hard. He just needed to let his mind and hands wander.

The next step he headed for required more effort though. He let a week pass in which he closely observed the flirtatious behaviour between his fellow students - not only Hajime and Iku - and masturbated regularly. Not too often, however, because he didn’t want it to become something he depended too much on.

During that time, he noticed more and more things. Especially about social interactions. He was the last one to be called a social butterfly and reading signs had never been his strength unless it was within a battle whereas consciously taking in other peoples’ behaviours had helped him develop a sense of interpreting the actions of mortal beings around him. Therefore he found out quite soon and certainly that there was a girl who was sexually attracted to him. Shieda knew that he was handsome, that he was someone to admire. But seeing himself as the object of someone else’s sexual desires hadn’t really occurred to him.

He didn’t mind. In fact, it only encouraged Shieda in his plans. He had - of course - been worried about finding a suitable partner for his experiments so figuring out that there was a willing person eliminated that factor.

He gave himself another few days in which he approached the girl called Anka and let her know about his interest in her - or something like that. He didn’t find her particularly attractive but he supposed that his (darned) mind was too focused on Zed to really leave room for any other attraction. He thought it would work. The mere fact that he would be having sex with someone would be enough to arouse him.

Shieda asked Anka about her status of skill and proposed that he could train her if she wanted to. He knew that she knew that he didn’t mean it literally because Shieda pronounced it in the way Hajime talked to Iku during their private encounters and she batted her lashes and lowered her voice when she said that it would be her _pleasure_. They agreed to meet in one of the smaller training rooms after their regular training on a Saturday and Shieda touched her neck briefly when he left. He could sense the shiver going through her smaller frame and he knew he was on the right path.

Excitement wasn’t an emotion Shieda felt all too often. Mostly, it happened when Master Zed ordered him to join him on one of his missions or when he faced a new enemy that he didn’t know anything about. Observing them, figuring out what weaknesses they had and overpowering them, making his master proud of the boy that he himself had trained, proving him that he made the right choice to save that Noxian child soldier from his death on the battlefield; it was the things that caused him to feel the most excitement.

Awaiting his first time, however, made Shieda’s entire body tingle with excitement and time passed so incredibly and painfully slowly that he wanted to yell. He put more effort than usual into the training fights in an attempt to keep his mind off the events of the evening. He had been worried that he might not be able to do so but in the end, he got lost in pushing his body to its limits - That was good, he was in control - and the end of the day approached in large steps.

By the time he was on his way to the quarters to at least change clothes, his skin was afire with the afterwards of the training. He felt good. Good about his efforts, good about his body. He wasn’t ashamed of sharing it with Anka.

That good feeling definitely made it easier to see her. It made touching her by her neck and her waist and letting her push down his pants easier. It made it all so much easier because Shieda felt so utterly in control. He wasn’t weak for groaning when Anka did what Iku had done to Hajime and he wasn’t weak for being excited and aroused about feeling himself inside the girl.

He didn’t like to admit it but he had practiced. He knew that only practice could prepare one and make one improve and yet he didn’t even like thinking about the fact that he had practiced rolling his hips, practiced thrusting into his own hand despite imagining that his hand was himself. He had repeated the motions and observed people doing it and figured that he had found a way to do it. Anka didn’t complain after all.

He held her by her hips and she urged him to touch her front, to rub his fingers against her. Shieda did it and Anka ground against his hand in sync with his thrusts. As their bodies moved like that, he had his eyes squinted and tried to keep in touch with his thoughts that seemed to slip away with each time his cock was enveloped by Anka’s warmth.

When Shieda masturbated, he tried not to make too many sounds just in case someone were to walk past his quarters. Unlike Anka, now he stopped himself from letting out anything besides gasps and grunts from the effort of almost holding Anka up against a wall.

Anka then said she was close and Shieda did what Hajime always was prompted to do at those words. He pushed himself more quickly inside her and a soft moan erupted from her throat that Shieda hardly took notice of as he squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t finish himself inside her but stroked himself until Anka replaced his hand and let him cum on her stomach. Her hands were smaller than Shieda’s, more delicate, and despite the pleasure he had felt, he had found himself craving for the roughness of the hands his dreams aroused him with but reality denied him.

They didn’t kiss even once and that was fine by Shieda. After he had put on his clothes again, he told Anka that he would leave and she thanked him whereas Shieda didn’t entirely know what for.

He left through the shōji and then disappeared into the stone wall and didn’t come out entirely until he was back in his quarters.

Sex was a lot like he had expected it to be and at the same time not. He had expected it to be sweaty and sticky - His cock had been covered by Anka’s clinging wetness - and yet he had expected his desire for what he (obviously) couldn’t have to be sated if not at least decreased. The contrary had been achieved. Shieda had just cum to someone else and yet his mind was nagging him with snippets of groans and words. It was nagging him with the sensation of feeling full the way Anka must have felt and being pushed and taken just like her. His mind was harassing him with the desire to lose control, the control taken from him in favour of what was about to be done to him. Control made him feel safe, made him feel good. But Shieda craved to not feel safe. He wanted the danger of being exposed and, oh, how it aroused him. If only Master Zed were just as intrigued by him. If only he had the same desire to rip any sort of premature and narcissistic arrogance, every feeling of being above, from Shieda’s grip until he was begging for him to give it all back. If only.

That night, after Shieda had taken a long shower during which he hadn’t let himself cum, he dared another way of touching himself. He figured that was the way two men would have sex. If not by taking him from behind, how else was it supposed to work?

He quickly figured that he wasn’t wet there like Anka was but during his previous experiments he had already purloined a tin with vaseline which he hoped would compensate for the lack of natural wetness.

Shieda coated one of his fingers in the substance and stared at the mirror as he kneeled on top of his mattress, his brows furrowed. He was still hard from his previous edging and for a moment, he felt insecure. Just like a lot of the emotions he had encountered throughout the past few weeks, he hardly knew anything about it. It rarely happened. Shieda wasn’t insecure, he was so sure of himself, knew how to do things. But not even knowing where to start, he considered just doing it the way he always did it for a moment. That moment ended when his thoughts travelled further and he imagined that it was his master taking care of the matter. It was all he had to focus on. How would Zed do it? Where would he try to touch Shieda to arouse him, to slowly but surely suck any control left out of his consciousness?

Shieda thought that he would want him on his stomach to have better access to his ass. So he carefully lowered himself onto the sheets and nudged the pillow with his eyes closed as he spread his legs with his hands searching for keen flesh. His body was already sensitive from everything that had happened so far so it didn’t surprise him that the mere brushing of his cheeks made him twitch. He hadn’t known that his body was so responsive and his mind swallowed all those sensations whole only to then choke them out again when it was time to come up with images that would arouse Shieda.

He thought about being oh so pliant and _wet_ underneath his master as he would slide his rough hands over his asscheeks and his lower back, the back of his thighs, kneading and almost gently brushing the areas only to then spread his cheeks. It was exactly what Shieda mimicked. His skin there was puckered and even more sensitive. He heaved out a louder breath and furrowed his brows with his finger probing his hole. He did it for long enough to make himself throb softly. Shieda didn’t dare to lower his hips enough to rut against the sheets, he was so curious and aroused, wanted to see if he could cum just from the thought and his fingers.

Then he slipped his slicked up finger inside, just the tip, and tensed up around it like he had felt Anka doing it. Figuring that he was way tighter than she had been, the thought that Zed might prefer his hole over a girl’s occurred to him. Maybe he would even mention it. That he liked taking Shieda so much better because he was so tight and hot around his cock and it drove him as insane as anything possibly could. And Shieda would feel so powerful because he would be able to make his master weak, aroused, so gone from just feeling him.

The tightness made it difficult to add a second finger but Shieda wasn’t much into waiting any longer so as soon as the resistance had decreased just a tad, he made his middle finger join. It burned, ached and he exhaled, face scrunched up, in an attempt to loosen up his muscles. It was bearable pain though, nothing Shieda didn’t find oddly arousing. So he kept his fingers inside while tensing up and relaxing almost rhythmically. He could sense his inside walls convulse with his breathing. It intrigued him until he started mimicking a thrusting motion. His fingertips graced the sensitive skin in a way that left Shieda with his mouth agape. It was so different from being the one inside someone else because he didn’t even touch his cock and yet all the sensations went straight to his lower body. It felt hot and he ended up squeezing his thighs together with his fingers reaching inside himself. It wasn’t exactly the best position to finger himself in but Shieda craved the friction of his thighs against his crotch.

He kept his cock trapped between his legs and softly wriggled them. His body was heaving from his laboured breathing and the sounds that left his lips once he settled for a more consistent pace of his fingers were more high-pitched than before. In his thoughts, he assumed - knew - that Zed was bigger. He must be bigger than those two fingers of his and even his digits must be broader, fill him up better. Master Zed would do it so well and Shieda would be so willing to give it all up in front of him, no matter the words he would spit at him.

As long as Zed touched him with the purpose of making him lose it, Shieda would obey, he thought. It was odd how quickly he lost any interest in control and might. Later on, Shieda wouldn't like it at all. He would blame this stupid experimenting and those stupid acolytes for making him want things that made him weak and so utterly disgusting dependent, willing and at someone else's hand like a bitch in heat. But while pushing himself closer and closer and biting the covers of his bed to not whimper loudly, he didn't want anything else than having his all taken away by Zed and his cock. He wanted to see and feel it, maybe take it into his hand and mouth because it had to feel so good and for as long as he could, he would try to see that lost glistening in his master's eyes as well, especially if it meant that in the end, it was him face down into the mattress, balls deep under Zed's grip and control.

It was so deliciously audacious, his wrist strained from the angle with which he pushed his fingers inside him and his cock was drooling over his skin. Shieda liked the audacity. It aroused him, it was what made him cum. Thinking of all those audacious things that he had no right to ever demand or experience and yet he craved them. A part of him thought that he did deserve them. He, as the Chosen. If anyone were to be taken by the Shadow Master, it had to be him.

The repetitive thought of his privilege and sounds from previous training battles - the grunts Zed would make and his deep laugh at how weak and pliant Shieda would be, how much of a good and obedient student - were clouding his mind. For the first moment, he would always long control. But he used to reach a point where he realized that the real might lied within losing it and that was what pleasured him the most.

When he came, his mind went blank entirely. He didn't remember the few moments after when he was just trying to catch his breath and curled up his sweaty body.

Shieda knew, however, that it was that particular night during which he became aware of his wish to be taken by a man.

Little did he know that the mission of infiltrating the Noxian defences was his chance to reach that goal.


	2. I Want It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He stared at the man in the dark and his gaze intuitively followed the red gleam coming from farther down. A coat hid a corrupted arm but only barely. [...] He had encountered Jericho Swain. The Grand General himself. [...]  
> Shieda was just about to step to the side when a low, fluttering voice sounded: 'Now, what do we have here?' "
> 
> Or, Shieda experiences the roughness he craves for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me quite the while to find the right words to continue this but I finally managed to!  
> If you'd like to be updated on my writing progress, art and commissions, my Twitter is @chaeyoongsao3!  
> Now, enjoy! :3

"They are said to have weapons-", Zed spoke lowly, "-that will bring them victory in any battle."

His eyes seemed to be glowing from behind his helmet, his voice sounding almost mechanical. It still sent shivers down Shieda's spine that he had learned to hide too well, especially throughout the past few weeks. Things had been different lately, his awareness and his perception. They had changed in a way that Shieda had found scary and audacious and yet oddly arousing.

He liked observing his master and thinking about his hands and how his breath and words would feel against his neck. He liked thinking that Zed had no idea about how Shieda craved him when he fucked himself open with his fingers and how he imagined himself while watching Iku and Hajime. He liked the thought of his audacity going unnoticed and leaving him, in a way, in control of the situation that had already assumed a dangerous shape. But how dangerous could it really be if Shieda could just play with the thoughts and his surroundings without anyone noticing?

After sleeping with Anka, he told her that he wasn't interested in her any longer and she had huffed and asked him if he had been serious. It hadn't baffled Shieda in any way. Anka had meant nothing to him. Just a tool for exploration. And although the power he had had over her had given him a certain, satisfactory edge he wanted something else, craved something that hurt and stung and pushed him down a little more. Detaching himself from Anka so easily equalled part of his might and part of him craving to lose all of it.

Zed continued about how he needed some of his men to infiltrate the Grand General of Noxus - Jericho Swain - and to collect information regarding the whereabouts of the weapons - Darkins, to be exact. He wanted them for the Order of Shadows and Shieda was eager to do whatever Zed demanded, to submit however he pleased until he would appoint him the new leader. Whereas those thoughts had been rather secondary lately (which he would never admit).

Shieda's entire meaning and goal had been clear and set ever since the moment Zed had saved him from the Noxian battlefield in which Shieda had seen more children die than most people did throughout their entire lives. He had known all along that his purpose was to surpass who pitied him and yet saw enough in his deep-sunken eyes to train him. And yet, something within him had prompted his ambition to falter. Just a tad. But it was enough to leave him feeling lost.

When he laid down at night, he didn't think of becoming the new leader. He didn't think of everyone bowing and sinking to their knees at the mere mention of his name, fearfully but worshipping. He thought of him being the one sinking to his knees and worshipping his master, in fear of what he would do to his body. Shieda liked the thought of losing his control to Zed. Had liked it ever since all of this had started but now that it had started to affect his conscious mind throughout the day and missions, he realized that his desires had indeed turned dangerous.

Shieda had been thinking about getting it out of his system, about finding a fellow acolyte who would take him like he had taken Anka just so that it would stop, so that he would maybe fail to see the appeal in it any longer. But none of the other cadets seemed suitable and good enough, _worthy_ enough, to lose his control in front of any of them. He despised the thought of someone as petty and incapable as the other males seeing him in any compromising situation. He would rather die to their hands than to lose the only thing that set him above them all. He couldn't just give that away.

And yet, giving it away was exactly what Shieda ended up doing.

Zed had chosen him to lead the mission. Shieda had bowed and told Zed that he wouldn't disappoint him. In his thoughts, he had added that he would never dare to, that he would always do as the leader pleased. He hadn't said it out loud no matter how much he had wanted to share with his master what he wanted of him, dreamed of him. That his voice made Shieda shudder at the thought which hissed words could make him drip. That he wanted to feel his rough hands everywhere but especially on his neck because he wouldn't mind Zed tearing him apart and ripping away any control he had ever allegedly had. That his broad frame could push Shieda down and hold him there without any effort and that the thought made the acolyte spasm and paint his stomach white every other night. But without his master knowing of his eager submission, he had to make sure he wouldn't start doubting him and his abilities just because of some childish and brazen desires.

Shieda had hissed to himself back in his quarters. He was proud, mostly of himself, and he had to ensure this mission would prove to Zed once again that he was truly the rightfully chosen one. Shieda had never let his master down, mostly because he couldn't stand (and feared) what might happen if he did. He had never even considered failing and he certainly didn't do it now. Not with his purpose depending on each and every one of his steps.

He left with a small group of cadets the following morning. It was still dark and the morning mist and dew painted the entire world oddly vibrant through a thicket of gray. It took them a few days to reach the havens of Ionia followed by half a week over the sea. Their ship stayed unnoticed and safe. Onboard, they studied maps of the palace where the Grand General was said to stay and keep most of the weaponry of the Noxian army. No one really knew how reliable that information was but whoever valued their life wouldn't dare to lie to master Zed and his order. That was what the acolytes had to hold onto.

Shieda wasn't sleeping well. He never did on ships. But he slept even worse when being surrounded by anyone else. He disliked sleep mostly because it was the only time his body was fully exposed and weak. If he could, he wouldn't sleep at all. But for him to be what Zed needed him to be, he had to give in to those few hours of exposure. He usually didn't have too much of a hard time with it whereas missions drained him a little more than his usual thoughts and urges did. They were the only times he despised sleeping and the only times he really had to practice control. Control over his thoughts and his body that dared to distract him from the task ahead.

Zed had made sure that the route would take them to the outer mountains of Noxus, far away from the established ports. From there on, it was only a two-day hike to the palace.

One of the nights that they spent hidden within a forest that Shieda stayed up for the first shift of night watch, one of his fellow students shifted closer to him and hummed.

Shieda didn't react with anything else than a side-glance and when he noticed that the man would simply continue to stare at him, he hummed back. If he had something to say, he should speak and not waste Shieda's time.

"Heard you fucked Anka", was what he eventually said.

Shieda's expression didn't falter nor did he avert his glance from the cadet. He had been wondering if and when his exploration would turn into a rumour that reached others. In a short moment of realization, he thought that if the other acolytes knew, Zed had to know, too, and that scared him. If Zed heard about Shieda pleasuring himself with other people of the Order, he might lose his faith in him. What Shieda had done had been distracting not only to himself but also to Anka. He had sabotaged their organization. If Zed were to hear about it, he would probably be nothing but deeply disappointed by Shieda's selfishness and mindlessness. He truly didn't care about what the others thought of him, especially if it was solely based on jealousy and admiration. However, if Zed were to lose his trust, there was nothing of meaning left to Shieda.

He tilted his head slightly to now directly look into the man's face - he truly couldn't recall his name - and blankly said: "How come _you_ know?"

The cadet seemed surprised by his answer because he widened his eyes and chuckled in an uneasy tone.

"Woah, man, didn't know it was true. Was just a rumour going 'round."

Shieda barely blinked and he could tell by the other man's expression that he was feeling uncomfortable about having verbally intruded on Shieda's personal life. Shieda who, of all acolytes, was closest to master Zed, his certain heir and favourite despite his young and fragile age (Shieda was everything but young and fragile by his abilities). The younger male was aware of what impression he gave away and of what others had to think of him so he wasn't even remotely hesitant about showing who was beyond the other one.

"And you thought you could just...?", Shieda said in a slow and low tone without any other motion following his words.

Shieda could tell by the look on the other one's face that he now realized how inappropriate his approach had been. They had rarely ever talked and now he was barging in and asking him if he had been sexually intimate with someone he knew just as little as Shieda. But Shieda wanted him to spell out for him what he had just done. He wanted him to be uncomfortable. He thought, deep down, that he was frustrated and mad about himself and not the acolyte. That it had been him, in fact, fucking Anka and that it had been him who had made room for such rumours, room for gossip and room for disappointment. But Shieda didn't like criticizing himself and he didn't like acknowledging his mistakes in front of someone weaker than him. He wanted this man to suffer the consequences of Shieda's mistake because it was just so much easier to blame him for addressing the truth than for Shieda to take it on.

"Hm?"

Shieda now tilted his head and looked at him with slightly squinted eyes.

The man let out a quiet laugh and shook his head while waving his hands in a defensive manner: "Sorry, man, didn't want to hit a never or something. Probably shouldn't have asked."

The corners of Shieda's mouth twitched and he responded to emphasize: "You should not have."

After their conversation, Shieda kept a careful eye on his fellow acolytes. He wondered how many of them had heard that rumour. Whom Anka had told it for them to share it with the rest of the Order. He tried to read their glances and to figure out their behaviour but he was just making himself crazy. He could feel his sanity slipping away with each time he found someone's eyes on him. It didn't matter, he tried to convince himself as to him it hadn't mattered and therefore, it shouldn't to anyone else. And if Zed were to want to speak to him, he would tell him that he had made a mistake. A mistake he would never dare to make again. He couldn't permit himself to be that careless anymore.

Talking to the cadet had opened his eyes. His exploration had to stop for he could lose everything he had ever craved and worked, busted his ass for. With every day he came closer to becoming Zed's successor. There couldn't stand anything between him and his goal. Not Anka, not those stupid rumours and especially not his desires.

Shieda wrapped them up and hid them in the furthermost shelf within his mind so that reaching it would require more effort than he was willing to make for something that ridiculous and unavailing. He thought himself safe and alright until this mission was over. On this journey, there was no room for him exploring himself and thinking about it any further. Dealing with it once they were back in Ionia was the only sensible thing to do.

He had truly thought he had been safe whereas he should have been aware of his own foolishness. But how had he been supposed to know of the Grand General and his partiality for young things like Shieda was? He had been studying and memorizing, analyzing the map of the palace until his eyes had started to blur because Shieda had wanted to account for every possibility that had seemed probable. He was oh so forward-thinking after all.

They had entered the palace without stirring a single guard, without leaving any trace of their mission. And yet, when Shieda considered himself to be on his own and fled the dim and cold grasp of the stone walls, he was met by a man taller and older than him. Shieda froze in the dimness of the corridor. How had he not seen the figure? He had been examining the halls thoroughly, had kept his eyes follow every notion. And yet. The man must have appeared out of thin air, there was no other explanation. Shieda couldn't possibly have made such a grave mistake.

He stared at the man in the dark and his gaze intuitively followed the red gleam coming from farther down. A coat hid a corrupted arm but only barely. Shieda was able to distinguish the nicks and the texture of the corruption and his mind was quick to follow. He had encountered Jericho Swain. The Grand General himself. He thought that he should run, slide back into the walls and disappear, hope his fellow acolytes wouldn't be captured whereas it didn't matter to him as long as only he made it back to tell his master that it hadn't been his fault. That it hadn't been him running into Jericho of all people occupying the palace.

Shieda was just about to step to the side when a low, fluttering voice sounded: "Now, what do we have here?"

He froze in his barely-there motion and glanced up at the face that was revealed by the light of a torch as he stepped closer, approached Shieda.

Jericho Swain was shaped by age and war, much like his master. A chiselled face streaked by wrinkles and scars, his brows low and an ever-lasting frown adorning the bare forehead. Shieda had heard of the Grand General but had never witnessed him with his own eyes. He had been too young when he had been sent to the battlefield to ever prove himself worthy to Noxus.

Shieda's eyes were drawn to his features like moths to light. His mind had to resemble the one of a moth as well, so empty, shaken by his mistake and Jericho's low voice. It reminded him a lot of his master's, less mechanical, however, and more real in how it emanated from uncovered lips. Stern lips, stern eyes, the only glow coming from his demonic arm.

"Whom do I have the pleasure of being stared at by?", Jericho spoke and Shieda sensed a familiar shudder graze his lower back, "An assassin perhaps?"

Shieda instinctively straightened himself up as the tall figure stepped closer. The general towered over him by almost a head that Shieda attempted to compensate for by standing tall and proud, no matter the pained noises originating from his hurt pride.

"And if that were true?", Shieda retorted in an indefinable tone.

"That would be a pity."

Jericho looked him down with a confidence that Shieda had never even dreamed to taste himself, a confidence that made Shieda crouch down in reverence, one that was worthy of dominating Shieda, unlike the premature and repulsive confidences his fellow acolytes showcased. Jericho was right in front of him. He had to dip his head back a tad to return the dark gaze out of dark eyes. It brought hot, rose-coloured shame to his neck.

"Why?"

Shieda had observed the other cadets for long enough now to be able to distinguish sexual innuendos from everyday teasing. Just as he had recognized Anka's desire, he meant to recognize the general's. He couldn't recall a man ever having laid their eyes on Shieda in a manner quite like this one. Perhaps it were his deep-seated cravings that he had denied for the duration of the mission. Perhaps there wasn't anything in Jericho's eyes, in the way he leaned over Shieda's tilted face. Perhaps all of this was as real as the thoughts about his master plaguing him day and night. Perhaps he had gone insane.

"You are too pretty to have come solely to assassinate me."

He hadn't.

Shieda was gaping. Shamefully, surprised. He was filled with even more shame and surprise when he figured that, maybe, agreeing to whatever Jericho was to offer, he would secure more time for his allies to obtain the desired information. Shieda wouldn't dare to admit that it hadn't been his first thought but more an excuse for the sudden desire rattling in its jar, daring to fall off the top shelf and emptying itself all over the floor Shieda had kept clean so desperately.

He let it drop. He let Jericho guide him through the dim hallways and he let him push him inside a room - someone's chambers - by a hand ghosting over his lower spine. It was tingling. Shieda exhaled deeply without once averting his eyes from the sharp features. Jericho returned his glance just as confidently as he had spoken. Shieda had expected his mind to offer resistance. It should have told him that he couldn't possibly be involved with a Noxian in such a way, a warlord at that, perhaps even the man who had ordered him into his death. His mind didn't oppose. Instead, it went blank, empty of thoughts and filled with sensations. They differed from the ones Shieda had felt when he had done it with Anka.

The general gripped his waist and Shieda gripped his shoulders in return. Jericho's breath was hot against his neck. Shieda's lips parted, brows crumpled, he thought he had to be gasping. No one had ever touched him there with any other purpose than killing him. Perhaps, if Jericho bit him just hard enough he could kill him as well. Shieda waited for the sting of torn skin in vain, however.

His hands slid over the flesh connecting Jericho's neck to his shoulders, covered by silk fabric, and pushed the coat down to bury his fingertips in clothed tissue. Jericho acknowledged his shamefully impatient hands with another nib to his skin. Each and every new one tingled, shivered right where Jericho had touched him and caused his hips to buckle.

Shieda didn't know of eagerness or haste. He couldn't assess his movements and sounds like too much of the one or the other. Perhaps, that was what made him so shameless; the inability to evaluate his next moves. He didn't know sex and intimacy well enough. He did what felt good and let sounds be drawn from his lips that felt right, not appropriate.

Jericho's hands cupped Shieda's waist underneath his upper garments and eventually pushed past the hem of his lower ones. His fingertips were leaving burning trails, following the span of his tailbone and cheeks. His palms covered all of the bare skin and Shieda gasped again.

"What an eager thing you are", Jericho breathed against his dampened neck.

It felt cold along with the breeze of the dark chambers. Shieda's lips were dry from all of his gasping and he licked them, smacked them, not answering the low words. Shieda had always been better at actions than words anyway. He moved his hands from Jericho's shoulders to his chest and lowered them along the buttons. Further down, he gripped the shackle of the belt and reached for the excess leather. Jericho chuckled again, he felt it vibrate against his collarbones.

The next thing he sensed were the hands that had previously toyed with his ass moving back to his hips and urging Shieda to turn around. Shieda had no reason not to comply. He felt himself being pushed against the door through which they had entered merely a few minutes ago and placed his hands there like he had seen Iku do it before. Hajime had whispered to her that he liked doing it from behind and Shieda recalled his lover to whine and beg him to not go that deep whenever they did it in that position. Shieda figured that it had to hurt. If it did, Shieda didn't mind doing it like this. He wanted it to ache.

He intuitively clenched around cool air the moment Jericho pushed his loose pants down and revealed his hole to his dark eyes. Shieda thought he could sense them, piercing, pushing his rim apart and fucking him with mere stares. He throbbed lightly and watched the goosebumps spread across his arms dismissively.

There was the faint sound of Jericho spitting - Shieda assumed into his hand - and the very-near sensation of his wet fingers rubbing against his hole. He spread his saliva there, loosened Shieda up until his perineum was tingling and his arousal distinct. Shieda wondered what he had to look like. Whether Jericho perceived him as pathetic for giving into his rumbling desire or whether he enjoyed his company. Probably the latter. Jericho didn't know of Shieda's thoughts and expectations and his master after all. None of it even mattered to him. Just like none of Anka had mattered to Shieda when he had indulged in her. It made it easy. Easy to forget where he was and what his original mission was, the goal of this trip.

Jericho touched him wetly and harshly. His fingers were calloused and like everything Shieda had wished for in his arousing dreams and the times he had pleasured himself. He could almost imagine those hands to be Zed's. Rough and firm, pushing spit inside his hole with just as rough fingertips. They dipped past his rim over and over again. He felt more saliva drip onto the exposed skin before there was a finger being shoved inside. Shieda let his eyes fall shut with the next sound rolling off his lips. It stung. Not that it was a new sensation to Shieda. He merely didn't know what Jericho would do next.

In the very depths of his mind, he was aware that Jericho might still feel a certain degree of suspicion and kill him. Shieda hoped he would do it after he had filled him up or perhaps with all of his manhood buried deep inside of him. Then he would die, failed and dishonoured, but indulging in something he had been craving for so long. It would be a worthy death, his delirious mind made him believe.

Jericho's breath was close to Shieda's ear when the second finger forced his rim open. It felt dry despite all his saliva. Shieda's hips buckled, he had never touched himself while standing and he understood why Iku had gripped the nicks of the walls with such despair. It was hard to stay still and upright with his large digits spreading his hardly damp hole. Jericho curled his fingers and pumped them, nudged his rim when they slipped out of him until Shieda was loose enough for more.

The pain of his third finger entering sent shivers down his pelvis and along his weakly spasming cock. It was aching and begging to be touched but Shieda wouldn't dare to pleasure himself yet. He wanted to see how much satisfaction a man like Jericho could bring him, whether his master could do the same if given the chance. Oh, how Shieda would lower himself on his knees and beg him from the ground to have mercy on him and grant him the fulfilment of his desires just like Jericho did.

Shieda was panting, gasping, and pushing his hips back against the fingers being rammed inside his hole over and over again until the sting numbed. It was still there, like a low tone vibrating, a gnawing thought. Shieda wouldn't mind if it ate all of him, devoured him whole. He wanted that pain, craved it to make him scrunch up his face and bite his lips unto they stung as well.

Jericho muttered faint words that Shieda couldn't decipher. His mind was clouded by his arousal, pain. He wanted more of it.

"Proceed", he solely retorted with no relation to Jericho's previous muttering whatsoever.

He didn't care for anything Jericho could say. He wanted to feel, feel so much. Was that what Jericho had referred to as eager behaviour? He chuckled again and called him "darling" in a tone unlike any he had ever heard before. Shieda acknowledged the word by tightening around his fingers and an open-mouthed hum. An intuitive clench followed the sound of his belt being opened. Shieda almost flinched, arched his back a tad. He sensed the heat of Jericho's arousal close to his cheeks, then its weight when he slapped him with it. The wet tip left dampness where it had touched Shieda's ass.

Shieda found himself oddly aroused by the mere proximity of a girth as mighty and fat as Jericho's against his rim. He had always envisioned his master to own a member of great size for the mere pleasure of imagining it, for the mere pleasure of the pain that would come with him shoving all of it inside Shieda, mercilessly yet merciful enough to grant Shieda the privilege. He would be the only acolyte of his who was deserving of his cock.

He heard Jericho spit on his hole, then - presumably - on his girth. He could distinguish the sounds of wetness being spread, had made the same sounds in the safety of his room before. It caused him to twitch and angle his hips further back. The request to finally proceed got caught in Shieda's throat when Jericho eventually did as he wished. The big head of his cock made his rim ache and sting, Shieda found himself letting out sounds he had never made before. Not even Iku had made any sounds similar to his. Strangled, breathless. He scrunched up his face and attempted to relax, to bring back any of the ease Jericho had previously created with his harsh fingers so that he could breathe again.

Jericho stilled for a moment in which the demonic claws moved up below his upper garments to his chest before he indeed proceeded, all the way until there was the heat of a pelvis flush against Shieda's ass. He exhaled shakily, inhaled constrained. Each and every breath he took made his body on top of that broad girth move. Tiny movements that yet left Shieda unable to open his stinging eyes. They were burning with what felt like wetness, differently from the burn of his hole.

The man behind him grunted lowly, touched his hips, calloused and rough hands dragging nails over his skin and claws nudging his nipples. Shieda whimpered pathetically. More of those sounds were dragged, forced from his lips as the general started to thrust into him just as forcefully. He purred that Shieda was so tight and Shieda pawed the wooden door with another whimper. He couldn't even help the throaty and high-pitched sounds spilling off his lips like water off a glassy rim.

Jericho seemed to enjoy the sounds and to have figured out the cause. There was a sudden hand wrapping Shieda's braid around his palm and _tugging_. His neck was straining and scalp stinging, Shieda moaning. He gripped and hauled his head with every numbing and tremulous thrust. All Shieda could do was moan and take. Take his fat cock, the pain of his hole being split apart over and over again, his hair being tugged so mightily.

Shieda's throat scratched with the sounds Jericho dragged from him. The door was rattling when Shieda attempted to hold onto it. All those sounds resonated inside his mind, so loudly that Shieda couldn't tell them apart anymore, couldn't distinguish his moans from Jericho's grunts, his grunts from the door creaking, the door creaking from the skin of their lower bodies wetly slapping against each other. 

With each new thrust, Shieda felt himself pulse, inch loser to a release that was inevitable yet so far gone still. It made him grit his teeth and groan. At some point, he couldn't take the waiting anymore. Perhaps he was impatient, perhaps he was shameless, he didn't care. He wanted to cum and clench around Jericho until the pain made him cum again. He moved one of his clawing hands down to his member. To his surprise, he wasn't even fully erect.

He gripped and stroked himself until he was achingly hard in his clasp and mindlessly pushed his hips back, took Jericho over and over again until the heat pooling in his pelvis became heavy and unbearable. He was close, knew it from all those nights he had spent bringing himself to the brim of an orgasm only to then stop. This time, he wouldn't stop. Jericho didn't intend to do so either. Despite his louder becoming sounds, his movements didn't falter. He relentlessly twisted Shieda's buds between sharp fingers and breathed against his neck he was biting so vigorously.

Shieda's palms were rough on his cock and he kept up the fast pace even when he started to cum into his other palm. He made his noises, pressed his forehead against the wood and watched his body jerk with each wave of his release washing over him, daring to drown him like the darkness had swallowed Jericho's and his frantically moving bodies. Jericho groaned, too, lowly. So lowly that it sent shivers down Shieda's spine and left him shuddering. The movements of his hands only faltered when he had emptied himself fully and Jericho pulled out.

Shieda noticed that he hadn't released yet only faintly, then clearly when there were those rough hands again, turning him and forcing him onto his knees in front of Jericho. He glanced up and was met with a gaze out of hungry eyes. Shieda intuitively licked his lips and then the cockhead pushed against them. He had seen Iku do it, even Anka had used her mouth on him so he vaguely was aware of what to do, how to move his tongue and part his lips. His jaw strained with the sheer width of Jericho's length as it filled up his mouth bitterly. Shieda found himself groaning and reaching for his girth with both his hands.

His own release made stroking Jericho easy and taking him, now tasting like himself, even easier. He swallowed around him and cleaned his cock with his tongue until Jericho was gripping the hair close to his scalp and pushing him further down. His throat tingled, Shieda choked lightly. The familiar sting in his eyes returned, this time the wetness dared to spill over, however. Shieda squeezed his eyes shut, sensed his cheeks dampening with each time Jericho thrust into his mouth. It hurt and made his throat and lips tremble in ways disconcerting yet arousing. So Shieda let it happen.

He let Jericho use his mouth up to the point where his breathing became rapid and a warmth its taste reminded Shieda of his own coated his throat. He intuitively tried to pull away, his throat was tingling so much he feared he might cough but Jericho kept him right there with his nose nudging his scratching pelvis. His demonic claws scraped his scalp, strands getting caught in the ridges. Shieda attempted to focus on the pain and Jericho's scent instead, inhaled the muskiness and swallowed his release along with his own.

Jericho murmured above him words Shieda failed to comprehend. Then he was pulled off the softening member. Shieda hadn't noticed his heart racing and breath coming out in short, heavy bursts. He brought up a hand to wipe his mouth and eyes. They were wet. Had he really cried? As he sat there in front of Jericho who went on to tuck his length back into his undergarments, the haze slowly but surely dissipated and Shieda could think clearly again. He stumbled as he dragged himself up into a standing position. There he pulled his pants over his ass and hastily turned away from Jericho.

Shieda didn't hear his words anymore after he had disappeared into the stone walls and limped away as fast as he could.


End file.
